Okay, you’ve been dating a guy and you really like him, but something’s missing. You know what you need from a man to sustain a long-term relationship. It’s been a few months, sex is terrific, he’s considerate, and he’s even okay with your cat. What’s missing?
What’s likely missing is the dialogue around emotional intimacy. Every time you ask him how he feels about you or your relationship, he tells you what he thinks. Men and women speak different languages in relationships. I’m a guy, and I know, but after working with men for twenty years, I also know that men can engage in emotional dialogue. Think of this a teachable moment. If you’re willing to help him, he will quickly be able to hold up his end of the conversation.
Why would a man be willing to learn to learn to speak from his heart? After all, everyone knows that men don’t like to talk about their feelings, right? That’s true, until a man realizes that he can get more from you and your relationship when he’s able to tell you how he feels about you. And what man wouldn’t want more from a woman?
Here’s an example. A man tells a woman that he doesn’t think they’re having sex often enough. Her response is that she isn’t feeling sexual. He reiterates he doesn’t think you’re being sexual often enough, and that he doesn’t understand why you don’t get that. The solution isn’t a trick, but rather a language lesson.
You will discover that your man will invest his energy once he understands the benefits. To deepen intimacy, explain that you love him and enjoy sex with him, but that you need emotional assurance to feel sexual. A woman needs a reason to have sex. A man just needs an opportunity. You can show him what a reason looks like.
Asking him to tell you what’s in his heart is easier if you provide an example. Telling him what’s in your heart first is a good beginning. This is a tough road for a man to travel, but if you’re gentle, loving, and patient, you can help him understand how to access his feelings. A man can hold up his end once he sees that it works for him. Don’t push too hard, because he’ll feel inadequate or foolish, and then you’ve lost him.
If your guy begins a sentence about his feelings for you with “I think”, look into his eyes, smile, and remind him that you already know what he thinks. What you don’t know, and would really love to hear, is how he feels about you and your relationship.
Men know that the emotional playing field isn’t level. What most men don’t know, however, is that they can move from amateur to pro status and level the field easily. Incidentally, age is irrelevant. I’ve seen men from twenty to seventy succeed.
Once a man understands what a woman wants, and he’s figured out that what she wants also works for him, he will become more comfortable and confident speaking from his heart. I’ve seen this scenario play out successfully for twenty years. It’s all about how you approach him regarding emotional intimacy. Remember, gentle, patient, loving.