Seems like men are puzzled by this question more than ever. It used to be a joke that men asked each other, mostly to avoid the question. It was typically said in a dismissive tone of voice that intimated women really don’t know what they want.
I don’t think there are many women who don’t know what they want in 2011, particularly in relationships with men. It seems more like men still haven’t figured it out however, no matter the amount of information on television, in books, and in magazine articles. Men aren’t stupid, so why haven’t they figured out this puzzle yet?
I believe it has nothing to do with the ability to understand what women want and everything to do with not wanting to give it to them. Sounds simple. It isn’t.
What women are demanding in relationships is emotional intimacy, and that’s very frightening for lots of men to consider. So few men are connected to their emotions that the ones who are seem to have as many dates as they can manage. The married men who understand emotional intimacy seem to have the best marriages.
What do women want? They want a man’s heart, not just his body, and while sex in a new relationship defies gravity and doesn’t need anything beyond two bodies, after the initial attraction wears off, women want more from a man, and that’s when the merde hits the fan.That’s when the arguing begins and that’s when anger and frustration become everyday.
This is the tipping point for relationships because all the arguments become circular, and each person accuses the other of not holding up their end. It’s the reason many relationships that begin like a firecracker end like with a whimper.
Is this just the way it has to be? Is what women want from men unreasonable? Can men satisfy women’s emotional needs? No, it doesn’t have to be this way, women are not being unreasonable, and of course men can satisfy women’s emotional needs. But how does all of this happen?
Since women know what they need and men are capable of filling that need, it’s men who are going to have to adjust the way they see their roles in relationships. Truthfully, it’s not a big leap for men because they already know how good it feels when women give them the emotional love they need. A woman who expresses her feelings about a man will reach his heart quickly because men need emotional love as much as women. Men just need a little practice.
Men who share how they feel about their women know how important this is, and they also know how easy it is. Some men seem afraid to expose their heart to a woman, fearing she will use it against him. While that may happen sometimes, I don’t think it’s very common. Women are starved for men talking about how they feel about them. That’s why women frequently ask their men, “do you love me”?
It may feel uncomfortable in the beginning, but in a short while men can easily give women “what they want in relationships.” It’s worth the effort because absent sharing his feelings about a woman, a man will soon find himself looking for his next date.
Most of the relationship skills I’ve learned over the years have been from men in my men’s group who were far more skilled in relationships than I was. When men share their relationship experiences there’s a terrific opportunity to learn and grow. After dating for twenty five years, I finally learned enough about relationships and “what a woman wants”, to settle down with one woman. It’s been hard work at times, but not so hard I couldn’t manage it. Go for it guys, and you won’t have to keep asking your men friends, “what do women want anyway”?
Act like a man!