The difference between an acquaintance and a true friend is that if you’re in any sort of trouble, you can’t expect help from an acquaintance. If you don’t have a real friend, you have no one to call. Not to have even a short list of friends who will come to your aid when you most need help or support is tragic.
There are many reasons men give for not having friends. The most commonly offered reason or perhaps a better word would be excuse, is “I just don’t have the time.” When I hear this I automatically flinch because I know that excuse isn’t valid, and I also know how I felt when I used to use it.
The next time your life is unraveling and you can’t bear the pain, who will you call for help? If you don’t think your life will ever reach a point of despair bad enough to need help, think again. Everyone’s life falls on hard times once in a while.
Men lose their jobs, get divorced, face death, get sick, and are forced to endure a host of other situations that no man should ever have to face on his own.
The real reason men don’t have true friends is that in order to form a deep, emotionally intimate friendship, a man has to trust that he will not be hurt, and absent trust, fear takes over, and men end up all alone in life.
The man who fits into the category of loner or lone wolf, lives his life in an emotional vacuum. Absent the emotional support, the oxygen friends provide, the loner suffocates from a lack of emotional air to breathe. He stands in front of his bathroom mirror in the morning, stares into it, and second-guesses himself every time he has to make an important decision. He has no backup, no one who can offer him their own experiences in his current situation that could shed some light on his problem.
I’ve been in a men’s group I began twenty years ago, and I’ve heard men talk about their issues and learn what they need to know from other men who have shared their experiences. I’m not talking about advice, because advice is just another word for opinion, and an opinion is worthless when you’re facing trouble.
When a man offers his experience, he is sharing what he’s learned, from his heart, and that’s not advice, it’s his absolute truth.
That doesn’t mean that every time a man faces his demons, another man will rescue him. What it does mean is that facing your demons alone is far more painful and futile than facing them with genuine friends who care.
If you’re a man without friends, consider how much better the quality of your life could be if you had people you could reach out to when you needed them, and who would be there for you, no matter what.
I know this is true because I’ve had to call on my friends for help, and without exception, they were always there for me when I need them.
You don’t have to go it alone, especially since half the population is other men. Reach out and find a men’s group or start your own. If you need help there’s information on my website.
Act like a man!