Do men need help to realize their potential? Absolutely! Can they get the help they need from women? Absolutely not!

Back in the 1970s, women realized that they needed help actualizing their potential as well. Like men today, they were seeking not only to explore and embody their emotional power, but also to gain equal access to the social and political power that men controlled. Did they ask for or want help from men? Absolutely not! Instead, they united to share ideas, clarify their goals, and work together to achieve them in a massive, grassroots phenomenon. Women’s groups sprouted like weeds all over the country, and the world hasn’t been the same since. Isn’t it about time men realized the same is true for them—that only other men can help them understand who they really are and help them become the best men they can be?

Where women entered the growth arena at a social and political disadvantage, men enter it at a developmental disadvantage. Since the beginning of the Industrial Revolution in the mid 1800s—when fathers went to work in the urban factories—the lessons they’d taught their sons for generations about manhood were lost forever. Boys were raised by their mothers and never got the first-hand perspective of what being a man in the world was all about. In today’s economy, since most women work as well, kids don’t receive the necessary life lessons at all and essentially end up raising themselves or getting their guidance from other lost and clueless kids.

Even in this situation, girls tend to learn to be sensitive to others, to share, and to cooperate, while men generally learn to be lone wolves, to play their cards close to their chests, and to compete. Consequently, women tend to be far more plugged into their feelings than men and despair of finding men who can communicate with them from their hearts and not just their heads. With a 50% divorce rate, I think the lesson for men is clear.

So how can men move beyond their upbringing and learn to identify, honor, and share their feelings? Who can help them work through their relationship issues? Where can they find a safe, level playing field on which to bat around experiences and try out new behaviors? Not with women, who tend to be much more adept at dealing with emotions, but only with other men.

I’ve been working with men for nearly twenty years and know that, with few exceptions, men can work through their issues and become their own heroes. I’ve seen near miracles watching other men evolve and experienced one myself. At forty-two, I had no men friends and went through serial relationships with women. I felt like I was committing emotional suicide and finally was miserable enough to participate in the most uncomfortable situation I could have imagined, sitting down with other men and opening up.

Meeting with a group of seven other guys—with over 300 years of collective male wisdom to share—I learned that it was my lack of trust in both men and women, a gift from my parents, that kept me at an emotional distance from everyone. Learning the cause of my problems was the first—slow, painful, but sure—step to dealing with them and developing into a man I can be proud of. I wouldn’t be married today if I hadn’t done that work, and there isn’t a wife or girlfriend of a guy in my group who didn’t appreciate her partner’s emotional growth as well.

So can men help other men realize their potential? Absolutely! All it takes is courage and dedication.

So step up and stand tall . . . and act like a man!