Men who do the emotional work with other men in small groups quickly learn what it means to be evolved. Men who can hold their own in a dialogue with their wives or girlfriends are men who grasp what it means to act like a man. They also get what they need from the women in their lives because they know how to ask for it. Men who know the difference between a thought and a feeling are evolved because they have learned that while thoughts are just opinions and therefore debatable, feelings are a man’s sacred truth and are therefore exempt from debate.
There is little reason to expect a man to speak from his heart and not his head. After all, boys are raised to keep their feelings to themselves. So conversations between men rarely embrace the notion of sharing feelings. First, few men can share their feelings, and second, few men know what to do with that kind of shared information.
There’s a narrow comfort zone for most men that precludes them from opening their hearts to anyone, including their wives and girlfriends and best men friends.
Men who can’t share their feelings with men they consider to be friends, don’t get the benefit that authentic friendship can provide. Who is a friend anyway? Is he the neighbor you go to a ball game with once a year? Is he the guy whose office is next to yours at work who you eat lunch with once in a while? Is he the husband or boyfriend of your partner’s girlfriend? An authentic friend is none of these examples. These are simply acquaintances.
Perhaps you require a definition of a friend. It’s simple really. The next time your life falls apart, i.e. divorce, death, job loss, relationship breakup, insufficient funds to live, or a myriad of other disasters that regularly occur in a man’s life, who are you going to call? Who will take your phone call and be pleased to be there for you? The answer is, none of the men you know if they fall into the aforementioned categories.
Absent a genuine friend who will be there for you unconditionally when your life falls apart, you’re on your own. You’re looking into the bathroom mirror in the morning and bemoaning the fact that you end up second-guessing yourself every time you have to make an important choice in your life because you have no one with whom you can share your feelings. You live on your lonely planet and no one ever lands on it, even by mistake. You’re a lone wolf, the loneliest guy in the world.
Where’s the rocket that can propel you from your solitude?
It’s other like-minded men who are also stuck on their planets and don’t know how to escape either. It’s other men whose lives aren’t what they envisioned they’d be when they were younger.
There’s no reason for a man to live in an emotional vacuum where he suffocates and suffers.
Reach out to other men. Get involved in activities with other men. Don’t give into your fear of other men. Join or start a men’s group where guys get together regularly to talk about their issues together. Men sharing their experiences together is the first step towards becoming an evolved man. The second step is to open up about your life and face the issues that have held you back from achieving the kind of life you think about but don’t actually enjoy.
I’ve been doing this work with men for 18 years and what I know to be absolutely true is that every man who dug deep and did the work around his dysfunctional life ended up in better relationships with other men and women as well. Every single man. No exceptions.
If that isn’t enough to rocket you from your emotional vacuum, consider spending the rest of your life stuck where you are. It takes some amount of courage, but the reward is friends you can count on unconditionally, and better relationships with women who will appreciate your ability to share your feelings with them.
Time to evolve. Time to act like a man!